Making dating FUN
How can I successfully meet someone if I have not managed to have a partner for a long time?
Many of us have been through difficult times around dating and it can be hard to go back in to the field with an open heart. This can lead to an aversion to having a relationship and giving up quite quickly. But the key to dating is to prepare for success rather than failure and to decide to make it work this time with commitment and fun. Find a couple of good buddies to encourage you through your dips and you will find your way through.
Preparing for success involves being in a good mental space. When we get opportunities to date, some treat it like a job interview and grill the other person, some are steeling themselves to be rejected or to reject and some are openly curious about this new person and are willing to enjoy themselves no matter what. No doubt about it going on new dates can be scary but remember that Psychiatrist Fritz Perls from Loveawake dating site once said that fear is excitement speeded up and try to slow your breathing down to achieve a state of balance and equilibrium. Breathe in for four seconds and out for four seconds and repeat three times. You can also use affirmations to help deal with anxiety repeating for example “I am hot and I have a wonderful partner” wear clothes which you feel good in.
Tips for making dating work
Let us just imagine that you have written a good profile with details about you, what you like, what kind of relationship you want and person you would like to meet and an invitation to get in touch. Have a fun and clear photo of you alongside your profile. This will help to open up the doorway to like-minded individuals. Be as authentic as you can and get a trusted friend to look over what you have said.
Be sure you are doing many random and exciting things while you are embarking on dating. Think about the things you have always wanted to do such as rollerblading, dancing, skateboarding or skydiving and start to allow yourself to have a go at these things. You will then start to smile, compliment and chat more, and you will become more open and ready to meet anyone anywhere. Learn some great small talk lines and practice talking to anyone. You can start by complimenting men and women on how they look and build into conversations. If you like someone tell them you have enjoyed chatting, you’d love to do it again and on leaving give them a card with your number on.
When people come to see me we look at opening up to following their heart’s desires. Once they do this all kinds of magic has happened from booking an artists studio and finding love with the artist in the next studio, or returning to acting and marrying the director to moving to the countryside and marrying someone from a local village.
I have helped lots of people to meet a partner. As soon as they started to have more fun and do the things they had always wanted to do they were more likely to meet someone. I feel it is because they became more relaxed, less risk averse and more likely to smile at that stranger.
Try and date a few people at the beginning. This will help you to stay lighthearted until you are ready to commit to that special someone.
Make a list of all your past loves and find a way to thank each one even if it is to say thank you for showing you how I do not wish to be treated. Sometimes we are afraid of repeating old patterns of relationships and that can hold us back from daring to give a new person a chance. But if we can find a way to thank each difficult experience then we can complete them and we can also realise how they helped us to become who we are now. We can then make a list of the qualities we would like in a partnership. So if you experienced unfaithfulness you can write a list that includes faithfulness or loyalty. In this way all the difficult experiences can be used as a transformation tool. It is important to keep releasing as you date as it is tempting to judge new people and think that they are just like previous loves. Once you keep letting go then you have a chance to stay in the moment and meet a new person in a more present way. Once you thank the past people you will then have completed with them. This can mean that your heart is finally ready for someone new.
Many people are ambivalent about whether they really want to have a partner and they do it half heartedly. The other person will feel this and not take you seriously and you may miss out on an experience worth having. Commitment is the key to success. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, what income you do or do not have or what size you are if you are prepared to commit to having love you will have it. I have worked with all kinds of people and I have seen the shift in them when they commit to love without expectation of the outcome. This means they can dare step into the unknown without knowledge of how it is going to work and somehow this means that they get the love they want.